When Life Feels Like “Dèjá Vu”, and It’s Still Hard!

 Life has felt a little bit like “dèjá vu” for me these past few weeks. I’ve struggled so much with many feelings these past few days. Lots of tears, feeling overwhelmed, and just plain sad have all run the gauntlet on my emotions. 

Six years ago, we moved to Maine. We enrolled our children in the Christian school in the fall, and about mid-September, we realized that one of our children was really struggling in school. Feeling like I had failed him as a mom and teacher, overwhelmed with how hard school was for him, and feeling all the big emotions that come with a major decision, we decided to move him back a grade. Years later, I don’t necessarily feel any regret over that decision, and I don’t think that child even thinks about it much anymore. It’s been easier also since we’ve moved to a different school, and no one in his class knows that he was moved back a grade. 

And yet here we are again in a similar position. Emma has struggled with school since she’s been in kindergarten, which was also the year school was shut down due to Covid. First grade was very hard, and her teacher thought that she might have a learning challenge, but everyone was so behind from Covid that there was no hope of getting her tested. Second grade came along and with it another new year of challenges. The class was big, and Emma functions best in a quieter environment. Her teacher and I were a bit concerned, but to be honest, we were barely hanging on. Last year was a rough year all around with Roger working in Michigan, I was teaching kindergarten, trying to keep our family stable, and trying to love God and keep all the children alive! (We made it- by the grace of God!) So yes, I was concerned about Emma, but in the back of my mind, I figured I could catch her up over the summer. Well, we worked at it. My mom worked with Emma when she came to visit, and we did try to catch Emma up. But sometimes it seems like no matter how hard Emma is trying, it’s like pouring water in a strainer! Emma has been stressed about school in N.C. From early on, and constantly being overwhelmed or coming home to do more school work did not seem to be working for any of us! I love that the boys have the opportunity to play sports, but it also means that our time at home is limited. When we arrive home, it’s time for supper, showers, homework, Bible time and bed shortly to follow. 

All that to say, we’ve decided to put Emma back in Second Grade. I’ve cried, struggled, and have fought depression over this. However, at the end of the day, it’s what is going to be best for Emma. She was upset at first about moving back since she’s working on trying to make friends in third grade. But also, Emma has seemed a bit relieved since the decision has been made. She’s not keen about being the oldest child in second grade (by quite a bit), but at the end of the day, it’s about what will be best for Emma. God knows exactly where she is, and I’m 100% confident that He has a perfect plan for Emma. God operates on His own time table, and not the time table of Sarah! (Praise the Lord for that!) My friend, Jenna, from Wisconsin, called me randomly out of the blue on Sunday. And while I was crying about my struggles, she gently reminded me that God’s not surprised. And I know that, but as an educator and a parent, it’s hard not to feel like I’ve “failed” Emma in someway. Having your child struggle in school is hard on any parent, and having more than one child struggle in school just adds to the challenges. I don’t know why God orchestrated these events this way. I don’t know why some of our children really struggle in school. I don’t know why this is the path God has directed us to, but wow! I am so thankful that I can rest in the arms of my Heavenly Father Who holds tomorrow. God is still good. He is going to continue to be faithful. He loves our children more than we do…He is truly a good, good Father. 

Emma will be making this transition after we come back from Fall break, which is at the end of this week. Once we return back from this break, Emma will move to second grade. Thankfully, God has given Emma a friend in the second grade classroom. Emma has to hang out at soccer practice after school quite a bit, and there is a little girl that also has to hang around as her brother helps coach the team. It’s been nice that Emma has had a friend to play with while we wait for the boys. 

In closing, we, of course, value your prayers for our family. We are not expecting this to solve all of Emma’s educational struggles, but perhaps this will be a good solution for helping her build a foundation for years to come. We love all of our children dearly, and as parents sometimes we make decisions that are not our favorite, but for the best of our child/children. 

September Moments- God is Faithful!

 Half-way through September already! On one hand the month is flying by and on the other hand, it’s felt like one very long month where every day is Monday! Garett and Chandler had a good time on the High school retreat last weekend, but they came back really tired! (Read that as grouchy!) Our kids tend to go to bed earlier than most teens, but we’ve found that it works for our family. The kids are generally in bed by about 8:30pm and get up around 5:30am. It’s what has worked for years for our kids, so when we find the kids go several days with late bedtimes, it affects all of us! Anyways, Garett and Chandler said that the retreat was fun. It was an opportunity for fun, fellowship and preaching. We are thankful that the school puts the retreat in the calendar.

Travis and Emma have  been playing in a school league for soccer on Saturday mornings. Travis finds it a little bit boring as it’s a lot of younger students, but Emma does enjoy it. Last Saturday several of the boys went to work for the farmer bagging corn, while Travis, Emma and I went to soccer. It was an overcast day, but that was kinda nice. I feel like most of the soccer games we’ve spent sweltering in the heat, so it was nice to not feel overheated! 

On Sunday we re-visited the church that we went to last Sunday. We went to a different adult Sunday School class and this one had couples closer to our ages. The one last week was a great Sunday School lesson, but Roger and I were about the youngest ones in the class! (And we aren’t that young anymore!) We enjoyed the opportunity to interact with couples our age. The boys are in two different Sunday School classes, but they are in pairs of two. Wyatt and Travis are together in a class and Garett and Chandler are together in a class. What did surprise me was how few middle schoolers and high schoolers come to Sunday School? Is that a pattern across the nation? Do you think Sunday School is an effective means of reaching kids and families with the teaching of God’s Word? A lot of older people still go to Sunday School, but what happens when the older generation dies off? Is there a better way to minister to those around us for discipleship and evangelism? Are churches being as effective as possible in reaching the community around them by offering Sunday School? Is the purpose of Sunday School for discipleship or evangelism or both? If both, how is that happening? Sometimes…don’t overreact now…I think that Sunday School for kids has become a repetition of the same Bible stories over and over again. How many times have kids in Sunday school heard the story of Noah’s Ark by fifth grade? But do the know the attributes of God? His character? How to lead a friend to Christ? I don’t have a solution, but it is something that I spend some time thinking about. Roger and I want to be actively involved in our children’s Christian education, as we are the ones responsible, but it’s also important that the church we settle down in have a plan to help come alongside our children to encourage them in their relationship with Jesus Christ. Anyways, that was a little bit of a rabbit trail, and one that I probably have more questions than answers to. 

We dropped Garett off at school at 7:00am on Monday morning for his trip to Washington, DC. He was both excited and nervous to go. It’s a tenth grade trip, so the whole class was going. Garett doesn’t have a cell phone, so we haven’t heard from him all week. I think he might prefer that he had a cellphone this week, but ya know…we want to hold off on giving our kids a cellphone as long as possible. Teens are becoming increasingly attached to their cellphones, and seem to be struggling to have real, personal relationships with actual real people. I have to put my phone on silent at times and remind myself that not every text needs to be answered immediately-I’ll apologize now to those friends of mine that have to go days before randomly hearing from me out of the blue! We are thankful that Garett had the opportunity to go to Washington DC, and we are looking forward to hearing about his experiences. 

This has been a rough week for Emma and her momma! Emma is struggling so much with school. She is struggling far more than we thought that she would. School has never come easily for her, but she has liked school so far. This year it’s been a difficult transition for her to a new school, new curriculum, new friends, etc. She likes her teacher, and Emma is a pretty social child. However, most of the kids in her class have been in this school for several years or all of their lives, so sometimes finding a close friend can be a challenge. I’m worried about Emma, but the Bible clearly tells us that we cannot add height to our stature by worrying…I’d probably be 90 feet tall if that was the case! I worry and then pray. Then I battle with wanting to pick up my worry again, and again, and again. I’m thankful that God does not become weary with me. We are praying and working towards coming up with a solution to hopefully help Emma not be so overwhelmed and weary with her school work. 

This week, Chandler came to school and opened his locker door. Sitting on the shelf starting at him was a mouse! Chandler slammed the locker door and told Wyatt he needed his lunch box container to catch the mouse. Chandler opened the door and the mouse escaped down the hall! Several of the boys in the hall managed to snag the mouse, and the mouse’s life quickly came to an end. The next day, it was discovered that the mouse had had babies, so that caused quite a stir! Thankfully, I think the mouse problems are behind us now! It did provide for a funny topic at the dinner table that night. I’m thankful for laughter! I’m also thankful that I was not a part of being in the hallway when the mouse was being chased around. 

Chandler had another cross-country race last Monday. I seriously do not know how they run in the heat as I think I’d be throwing up! But anyways, Roger was able to get off in time to come to Chandler’s meet. The girls ran first this week, so we were there in plenty of time. Chandler took off with the pack, but by the 1/2 mile marker he was falling behind. He told me he had a cramp in his side. Well about the only thing you can do during a race is keep running, try to regulate your breathing, and keep moving. It worked itself out, but Chandler was in about the sixth spot. He managed to pull off a win with a time of 21:01. It wasn’t his best time this year, but he ran hard and worked through the cramp. We had left Wyatt and Travis at soccer practice which is normally done by 6:00pm. When we pulled up to the school it was 6:03pm, and Wyatt and Travis had been waiting for almost an hour! The coach had dismissed practice early, and there was an assumption that all the kids either had rides or a way to call their parents. However, Wyatt and Travis just had to wait patiently for us to arrive so that they could be picked up from practice. It probably wasn’t their favorite memory from this year, but they survived it! 

I helped with art classes again this week. I’m not an artsy person, but I can generally follow directions. I clean up, pick up and set up for the next class while the teacher begins instructions. We have over 200 kids that come to art classes in one day, so it’s a long day. By the time the last class rolls around, we are tired but it’s like a well-oiled machine. I enjoy working with the art teacher, so that makes the day more fun. 

I do the library classes on Tuesday and Thursday and those are some full mornings also! I have the opportunity to work with a great lady who helps me out a lot! It seems like every time we turn around there is a pile of books that need repairing or sorting, books to be shelved or something else to do! I’m thankful that Jennifer and I also seem to work well together and the time goes by smoothly.  We’ve brainstormed a lot of library ideas,

Garett arrived home from Washington DC around 6:00pm on Friday. He was happy to be home, and we were happy to have him back. Actually, Roger and I were happy to have him back. I’m not sure his brothers missed him too much! Garett was full of stories and adventures from his week away, and we had some good times of laughter and discussion. We are thankful for this opportunity for him. God has been so good to America, and we have been blessed. I pray often and fervently that God will send a revival to America, and that God will use our young people to bring revival. Sometimes it’s easy to feel like the evil has already won, but God’s Word tells us to be faithful, make disciples, be fervent in prayer, and to trust in the Lord. Until the Lord calls me home, I want to be faithful to do what God has called me to do today and that includes loving Jesus, loving my spouse, loving my children, loving other and doing the next right thing. I am so thankful for the promises from my Heavenly Father. What an awesome God we serve!

We went back to the church we visited last Sunday. The kids seem to really be enjoying the services and the boys have asked about going to a teen activity this Friday. We’ve been going to the Sunday night service as well which has been a reminder to us that Emma has not sat as much in church services as the boys have! During our time in Maine, Roger and I were involved with teen group which happened on Sunday nights. Emma would come along with us to teen group, so she didn’t have the opportunity to sit in Sunday evening service. We had to have a discussion about our expectations after the first week, but we are seeing improvements. We don’t go to church to be entertained, and sometimes boredom is not a bad thing. Even when bored, children need to learn to sit still, not disrupt others, and be polite. I see some adults and teens still struggling with those same concepts!

It was a wearying week, but God was faithful just as He always has been. I am thankful for the wearying valleys as they give me another opportunity to grow in my faith. I don’t always like the experiences in the moment, but God gives grace for every moment. It’s still been really warm here, and it’s odd to see people decorating for fall with the temps still in the high 80s! 

In closing, God is good, and He is faithful. I am thankful that He loves me unconditionally and that I am forever His child. 

                                                           Fields of Cotton

Our Four Boys

                                                Chandler and Roger at the last Cross-country meet. 

Another Birthday, 17 years of Marriage, and other Life Stories!

 Another week of school is over! It was nice to have a long weekend, and some extra time time with our family. Last week Chandler had a cross-country race and the boys had two away cross-country games. Garett also turned  sixteen! I can’t even believe that our oldest son is 16 years old! Time has flown by, and we are so thankful for Garett in our family. 

Chandler had a cross-country race on Monday, and Emma and I were able to get there in time to see him run in his race. In all my years of running in college, the girls always ran first and then the boys. However, the boys have been running first and it’s been a challenge to get to the races on time. We thought that we would be late due to construction but we made it on time. Actually, the race got off to a late start so we had plenty of time. It was a hot day, but not quite as hot as last week. There were a lot more students at this race due to a lot more schools being back in session. There were probably over 50 boys running in the race. Chandler started off really fast due to a fast pace runner in the front. The pace runner puttered out at about 1/2 mile, but Chandler kept running strong. He stayed up in the front for most of the race, and he held the lead for the last mile or so. He finished first in the race with a time that was almost a minute faster than last week! It’s fun to watch him run as he does it easily. I know he works at it but he’s kinda a natural athlete. Chandler told me after the race that he was glad that I just let him run. I asked him what he meant, and he said that he runs for fun. Another teammate’s parents are serious about their child running and improving every race,  and Chandler said he’s just glad that I come to just see him run. I don’t know…maybe we will get more serious about it over the next few years, but  Chandler’s just a freshman. I know what it’s like to run for fun (and be good at it) and I’d rather not put pressure on our son to perform, but just keep doing his best. Don’t get me wrong- we want Chandler to get better!If he stopped doing his best, we’d be having some discussions, but I’m happy that he’s enjoying it for now. 

The boys had an away soccer game on Tuesday (Garett’s 16th birthday) and Roger was able to get off work early so that he could come to the game with Emma and I. The team lost 1-0, but they played hard. Garett probably had his worst game of the season, and boy, was his brother all over him. Chandler gives 110% when he plays, so his voice could be heard on the soccer field telling Garett, “I need you to give more! Run faster!” The coach came over to us and said to Roger and I, “Well, I’m seeing which one of your boys has a take-charge personality!” Um- yes! The coach told Roger that he feels like Chandler is capable of being a real leader on the team, and that it would be good if Chandler felt comfortable telling the other players to “step-it up” also. It was a hot ride in the car for a few minutes after the game, and I’m not just referring to the weather! The older boys had some working out they needed to do, and the younger brothers chimed in with their opinions also! They sorted it out though, and we had supper before heading home. It was a kinda late night, and it didn’t feel excessively celebratory, but it is what it is. Garett is an extremely easy going kid- unless it’s his siblings pushing him! We sure are thankful for this boy who is quickly becoming a man. Please pray for him as he continues to work through educational difficulties and become the man that God wants him to be. 

Wednesday is our “come home early” day as there are not any school practices. I decided to make a meal for two of the teachers as one of them recently moves and another has a spouse that hasn’t been well. I didn’t think that the dessert that I made was overly delicious, but the casserole was good. I think we were able to be a blessing to both those families, and we are thankful for the opportunity to show teachers our love and appreciation. 

Friday was our 17th wedding anniversary, and we celebrated by going to the boys soccer game! Haha! Oh well! We were thankful for the opportunity to be together as Roger was able to get off in time for us to go to the game. The traffic was bad and we were six minutes late for the game. When we arrived the score was 2-1! (Not in our favor!) The team did a great job and they are improving every game! At one point, we were leading 3-2, but the game ended in a tie! Garett played much much better in this game, and Travis even got some playing time! It’s been a challenge for him, but he was happy to get a few minutes of playing time. While it wasn’t a romantic dinner with Roger and I for our anniversary, we are thankful that we were able to spend time as a family. Our days as a family of seven going places will be over before I’m ready, and we are soaking up the moments with these kids that God has given us! 

Emma has struggled with school these past few weeks. Please pray that she will be able to find a friend, settle in and understand a lot of new material! Emma and I probably struggle the most with feeling like “a fish out of water”, and while we think we are likable people, it’s been a challenge to feel like we are adjusting completely or fitting in. I did have the opportunity to be the art assistant at school the past few weeks, and the person that I am helping has been fun to work with. Maybe it will become a deeper friendship as time goes on. 

We went to a different church on Sunday, and we went to Sunday School and worship service. It’s a bit different visiting on a holiday weekend, but I am glad that we went. We plan to re-visit next Sunday, so we will see. We continue to pray, look at websites, pray, gather information and pray some more. We don’t want to rush into anything, but we are definitely looking forward to settling in a church soon. 

Monday was Labor Day, and it was nice to have the day off! We spent some time at the beach, but the jellyfish were biting! Emma, Travis and Roger all got bitten by jellyfish, so we didn’t spend a lot of time in the water. It was a relaxing day as a family, and we were once again thankful to spend time together as a family. 

I got a special package in the mail this past week, and it totally made my day! My friend, Allison, sent me a “fall basket”, and it was so nice to see fall colors and pumpkins! It doesn’t feel like fall weather, but fall is coming according to the locals! I’m definitely not ready for long sleeves and boots, but I’m ready to put up fall decorations! I’m thankful for Allison’s friendship over the years and across the miles. 

We have some friends come to visit us at the end of the month, and Travis and Emma are especially excited. Two of their Maine classmates are coming, along with their mom and younger sibling, and we are excited to have guests for a few days. 

Garett and Chandler left for the Senior High retreat on Wednesday afternoon, and they were excited about going! Garett probably mentioned three or four times that he hopes the “food will be good!” We are praying that God will work in a mighty way in their lives over the next few days. We need a revival in our country and may it start with our own young people! We all know that young people are capable of amazing things by the power of God, and we are praying for the Holy Spirit to work in their lives this week. God is so good, and we are so thankful that the boys have the opportunity to go. It’s been quieter around our house the past twenty four hours, and we do miss the older boys. It’s also nice to have some extra time with our other children. Garett will be leaving for a school trip to a historical city on Monday, and he will be gone all week. We are definitely getting to the place where the boys are growing up- jobs, trips, experiences, wow! 

I’ve been working in the school library, and I’m amazed at how much work goes into keeping a library running smoothly! I’ve been cleaning, doing bulletin boards, filing books, cataloging, organizing, and deciding on which books to read for read-aloud. I’m thankful to be working with another mom from the school, and we’ve had some good conversations about books, libraries, and students. My prayer is that I will do a good job with the library and maybe even help a few students decide that they like books and reading! In our technology driven world, getting kids to engage in reading is definitely a challenge! Children’s books especially seem to go out of print quickly and new authors, graphics and ideas are constantly coming on the scene. The students seems to really like books about sharks, bugs, aircrafts, tractors, and books that are non-fiction but the pictures are up to date! Sometimes the information can be accurate, but if the book is outdated or there’s very few pictures, I don’t want to read it either! 

We love you all. We are so thankful for each one of you that love and pray for us. We’ve been in North Carolina for almost three months, and while it’s not been without it’s challenges, God has been so faithful. When we’ve been weary, He’s encouraged us. When we’ve been overwhelmed, He’s directed us to the next step. He’s been faithful and He will continue to be faithful.