September 29, 2014
Frustration, irritation, confusion, and tears of fatigue are all crowding in my mind. What good reason could there possibly be for the truck breaking down last night on the way home? What good reason is there to have a sick child in the truck? (I'm guessing I need to be thankful here on this one that Wyatt didn't throw up in the car.) What good reason is there for losing the car key, and spending several hours looking only to still not have it found? What good reason is there for this flight training to have taken WEEKS longer than they originally told us it would? What good reason is there to have a replacement key cost $300.00?...oh, because it has a computer chip or something like that in there! What good reason is there for the baby to be up multiple times last night when I didn't even get to bed until after 12 am?
I'm tired of trying to be up beat and positive. I'm tired of trying not to take out my impatience and frustration on the small people around me. I'm tired of waiting for God to do something great, and it's not happening...at least not in my timing! I'm tired of worrying about money, always debating in my mind if I should spend this money on something or not. I'm frustrated with myself for being so incredibly emotional. I'm frustrated with my lack of faith and dependence on God. However, as I write this and listen to Pandora Radio, I can still see God's hand over me. The songs that were playing as tears streamed down my face were "Great is Thy Faithfulness" and "Simply Trusting". How absolutely fitting and a balm for a my weary soul!
UPDATE: later today
It's amazing how getting a nap can refresh my mind, make the world a brighter place, and reestablish my mind to think on things that are honest, true, lovely, good report, virtue, and pure.(Philippians 4:8). My dad came over about 10:30 to pick up the older boys for school. Wyatt didn't have school since he was still running a fever. Travis missed school since it was such a late bedtime last night. I'm so incredibly thankful for my parents. My mom taught the older boys today, while my dad worked on tracking down a tire for the truck. They brought the boys back around 2, but by then I had turned the house upside down for the key to the car. I've searched through trash, under beds, the refrigerator, the stove, in bags, shoes, washed all the laundry, checked in the washer and dryer, and every other place imaginable! I have no idea where else to look! I'm super thankful that Wyatt, Travis, and Emma all napped at the same time today, so I was able to squeeze in a twenty minute nap also. Shortly after my parents arrived with the boys, my dad had a new tire on the truck...woo hoo! At least I now have a vehicle to drive!
To my great surprise, the florist came by about 2:30, with flowers...and they were for me! :) My husband thoughtfully sent flowers today knowing that my day was rough, and that I was very tired and discouraged. I'm blessed by his love for me, his faithfulness to our marriage, his desire to achieve a better job for our family, and the hard work he puts into raising our children.
I'm thankful for friends. Friends that pray for me, cry with me, encourage me, and lift up my burdens before the Lord. After texting several friends a picture of the truck last night, and knowing my frustration with not being able to find the key to the car, one my friends texted and said, "We love you, and we'll be bringing by supper about 5:45." God knew...in His sovereignty...that I needed some encouragement today, and He provided that through a friend's thoughtfulness. I'm thankful for the sacrifices in time and effort that Autumn and Phil have gifted to our family.
After checking my sorry attitude, and asking God for strength, forgiveness, and His grace, I can again come back to the statement..."I am blessed."
One: No one was hurt last night when the tire shredded itself. And although the spare tire was soft and the rim rusty, the tire did get us home last night. God did not allow my thoughts to run away with me while we were waiting beside the road. (Just that morning, there had been two murders in Berlin, so it would have been easy to let my imagination run away with me!)
Two: My parents didn't even hesitate to come out and rescue me and the children.
Three: The Bruski family stopped and helped get the tire replaced. I really didn't even know where to start looking for the spare tire.
Four: God made it abundantly clear that I needed to pull over the truck. I'm not very mechanically inclined; and since all the gauges looked normal, I needed the smell of rubber and a grinding sound to direct me to pull the truck off the road. God allowed me to pull off the road where there were lights from the granary and at the corner of a fairly busy, lite intersection. If I had pulled off when the truck first started running "noisy", it would have been in the pitch black, lonely stretch of road.
Five: God provided an opportunity to cement in my mind how much I need Him. Wyatt told me after church that he wasn't feeling well. He didn't want any of the snack on the way home, so his brothers eagerly ate his share. I'm thankful that my mom brought her car to pick us up, so she took home the kids (except Emma...she was sleeping in the truck) Wyatt threw up as soon as he got home, but he made it to the toilet! It was after 11, by the time the boys were in bed. Emma had a hard time settling down, and I spent almost an hour holding her. However, this provided a chance for mind to unwind, and to thank God that we were safely at home again.
Six: Although this day was full of frustrations and discouragements, I'm still alive and well. Although Wyatt isn't feeling great, he isn't deathly ill or anything terrible.
Seven: Friendships make my life so much more enjoyable. God is so good to provide good friends for me.
So, all that to say, that in spite of a weary, long day, where I had to battle through my emotions and fatigue, God is still sovereign. He still loves me. He's still providing grace for me.
Roger is getting very anxious about getting these last few flying hours in for this instrument rating. Please pray that the weather will cooperate. He is moving out of the place he's been living the last few months, so pray for God to provide the right place for him for these last few weeks.
Many, many thanks for the prayers,
Sarah
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