When God Stops the Rain...

Well, Roger has completed his instrument training at the aviator college of Florida. He has the official test from the FAA to take and he can become certified! While this has taken way longer than we originally anticipated, we have learned a lot! 

Roger is confident that he does not want to be an airline pilot. He would like to fly fire patrol, pipe line patrol, for a charter company, but not for a major airline industry. He still needs to get his commercial rating so that he can get paid for his flying, but we have a change in our plans. 

Roger will be coming home to finish up the instrument test and his commercial rating. Since the Aviator College is geared largely towards pilots who want to fly for airlines, not all the training has been conducive to helping Roger. We've also realized that October 30, will mark the date for five months that he's been away.  A lot has happened in our family, our church, our marriage, and our lives. We need to devote some serious time to our marriage. No, we are not on the verge of a divorce and neither of us is giving up on each other; but we need some time to relearn each other and to  grow together again. Our marriage isn't struggling in the sense that I've signed us up for divorce counseling, but it is in a bit of distress. We have five small children that need parents that are in love with each other, and we need them to understand that they are not the glue that holds are marriage together. So, we ask for your prayers as we again enter a new stage of life for us. 

That being said, I'll be flying out on Thursday to Orlando. Roger and I will be driving back to Wisconsin together over the weekend. What better way to spend time with someone when you can't get away from them? :) Actually, I'm looking forward to the drive back together. My parents will be taking our children for the four days I'm gone, so they could use some extra prayers too. :) 

While visiting North Carolina this past week and preparing for Hannah's wedding, we worshipped on Sunday at Hannah's home church. It's always interesting to be away from our church on Sunday where we know the people, know the routine, know the songs, etc. Hannah is very close to the pastor and his wife. Since we've been able to get to know them better through the wedding and Hannah, it was a special delight to worship with them on Sunday. Pastor Kevin preache a sermon that was just for me...seriously! He announced that he had planned a different message for this Sunday, but God clearly directed him to preach this sermon. 

The text was from 1 Kings chapter seventeen. It's a familiar story...Elijah tells Ahab that the rain will stop, God directs Elijah to the brook Cherith, the ravens feed Elijah, and the brook eventually dries up. Pastor Kevin went on to say how that there are similarities sometimes in our lives. We experience dryness in our finances, relationships, our walk with God, or anything else. That's exactly where I am! I feel like my relationship with my husband is dry, I wonder where and how God is going to supply our money, I wonder "why doesn't God show Himself strong?". I'm not holding anything back and the truth is I'm scared, I'm frustrated, and I want to see God work, but I feel like He has stopped the rain. I feel like my brook is all dried up...in my relationship, finances, and my walk with God. I don't know how to strengthen my relationship with Roger, but I know God wants us to grow through this. I don't like feeling scared about money, but it's no surprise to God. I want a deeper relationship with God, but I'm holding out on trusting Him completely. 

I feel like Roger and I are distant and apart in more than just miles. I enjoy seeing him, but I feel extremely selfish in the fact that I know that he will watch the kids and I can get away. He never complains about it, and he loves the boys; but I feel like I would rather get away by myself than even spend time with him...and I feel guilty about that. I want to have a deep conversation about his needs and my needs. He needs the physical side and I need space and time alone. Our marriage is going to take work to heal and time and effort from both of us.

I feel like my relationship with God is dry and struggling, I do my Bible reading because it's what I'm supposed to do. It's a duty often and a delight rarely. I feel like I'm a huge hypocrite when I go to church. These days I feel like I often go to church for adult conversation, fellowship, free babysitting, and I can use the bathroom in peace.

So...those are my feelings! However, the preacher also listed several things we can do when the rain stops. 

One: pray for Gods direction. Here's where the metal meets the road. I can continue to do the things that I know are right, while I pray for Gods direction. I may not "feel" like doing the right thing, but I know that God will bless faithfulness. 

Secondly: contain to do what you know to be right. While I feel like a hypocrite at times, I know that God can use me. I'm not a perfect parent...in fact, sometimes I wouldn't want me for a parent. However, God still speaks through His Word. I'll continue to plod along faithfully, both in my marriage and in my Bible reading. I firmly believe that God can still use all the pieces of the mess I've made. 

So,when God stops the rain...I'll choose to be obedient, to stay faithful, and love Him. 

We are coming back to work on our family, pursue more of God's direction, and remain faithful to what God has right in front of us...our marriage, our family, and our church. We so appreciate each one of you that has prayed for us, loved us, counseled with us, and we aren't done yet, so please, keep praying! :)