Friends or fearful acquaintance? Being a Friend to "THAT" mama...the mama with all those young ones!

                         

"Bear he one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

Galatians 6:9 "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."

This summer I've learned some amazing things. God has used people, events, and my children to draw me closer to Himself. One of the things I've learned is how difficult it can be to be my friend. You see...I'm the mama with lots of young ones (four boys, 8,6,5,4 and a little girl), the mama that is homeschooling, involved in my church, addicted to spending time with my husband and kids, as well as trying to squeeze in time to exercise, socialize with friends, and see the needs of those around me. 

I have some wonderful friends, and I have been abundantly blessed by so many of them these past few months. For the most part, my friends have learned how to put up with me. But often I feel like I don't quite fit in anywhere. I'm thirty one with five small kids, so I kinda fit in with the young moms that have one or two children. But since I have so many children, most mamas that have five children are a few years older than myself. 

However, I have a few suggestions on how to be a friend to the mama with lots of kids. Chances are you are either the mama with lots of young kids, or you'll meet a mama with lots of young kids and want to be her friend. 

One...realize that you are the one intimidated...not the mom with the kids! I am not intimidated by my children, and I LOVE to spend time with them! If you are a little nervous about having all those young ones at your house...go to her house! I can almost guarantee that she'll be delighted to see you inspite of the sink full of dishes, the bathroom that has toothpaste in the tub, and the fact that she'll have to wipe off the chair before you sit down. It's my life, and I'm okay with it! Life might seems like chaos to you at my house, but you'll never know what a blessing you are to me! I realize that lots of kids are loud and crazy and overwhelming, but it's where I'm at...and for the most part, I'm loving it! 

Two...coffee! I'm pretty sure that God made the coffee bean specifically for the tired mama! Another way you can be a blessing is by just showing up with coffee in hand. One of my friends, Beka, who is only able to visit once a month, often brings me coffee. Mamas with lots of little ones are home ...alot...so coffee is always welcome! Beka has shown up with coffee in hand, an understanding smile, and four kids...we relate well! :) 

Three....time! One of the most valuable gifts we have is the gift of time. How we use it will greatly impact others. Please understand that the mama with lots of young ones would love to spend one-on-one time with you, but that's just not a reality! While I don't mind the occasional trip away from my kids for some "girl time", most of the time you're going to have to take me as I am, along with five kids in tow. Time is scarce for everyone and to fit everything in is a challenge that everyone faces. May I suggest that you not ask me what day works for me to have a visit? Chances are that I'll never get back to you. Not because I don't want to, but I simply have too many things to work around...like homeschooling, doctors appointments, my husband, church responsibilities, my neighbors, and my family. A better suggestion would be for you to tell me, "Hey, I'm free on ---- day this week, is there a chance I can come by for a visit?" Or, if you're comfortable having ALL those kids at your house, feel free to suggest that she come to your home. :) (However, understand that while the mama might have a great visit at your house, she'll probably realize that her kids are going to have more fun on their own turf...unless you have a whole passel of young ones yourself!) :)

Four...text! I realize that modern technology is sometimes frowned upon because it takes the place of face-to-face talking or voice-to-voice calling. However, in my mama zone, it's much easier for me to reply if you text me. I probably have 1/2 dozen text drafts in my phone right now that I need to finish and send. But, I can reply to your text in a sentence or two while I load the dishwasher, solve the worlds problems for my four year old, or fold the laundry (actually, that's a lie...I rarely fold the laundry until I have no more empty baskets!) Sometimes a phone conversation is needed if you are needing a long conversation, but the majority of the time a text is much more likely to get an answer. On the note of texting, it's easy! How long does it take to write a text telling someone that you prayed for them or that you're thinking of them? Just do it! You'll be a great encouragement to someone today! 

Five...when I offer to watch your kids...I mean it! IF I offer to watch your kids (and you probably only have one or two), my offer is sincere. Really! I know that perhaps to you, it seems like a whole lot of kids; but in my world, it's the more the merrier. Honestly, once I've reached a certain level of craziness, adding a few more is no big deal. My kids always enjoy having other children to play with and if I offer to watch your kids you can rest assured that I like your kids. (Ever once in a blue moon, I'll watch someone's kids that I don't really like, but that's rare!) As a general rule, kids play well with other kids, so adding yours to the mix isn't going to upset the load. My friend,  Gretchen, gave me this gift several times in the last months. She always seemed to enjoy my kids, she offered me a much needed reprieve by myself, and I never felt like she wasn't sincere when she offered. 

Six...grace. Give this mama lots of grace, please. Yep, my kids aren't perfect, sometimes they scrap and fight, sometimes their manners are lacking, but please, please give me grace. I can guarantee I'm working on something with each of my children. And while it may seem like I'm letting something slide, chances are likely that it's not a battle I'm working on at the moment. I probably recognize that my child interrupted me, but perhaps my battle is immediate obedience. Or yes, they forgot to say thank you, and I had to remind them, but at least they refrained from licking their plate! I probably realize that my child has mismatched socks and his shirt is on backwards, but hey, I know that they put on clean underwear today! On the other hand, if my child isn't behaving in a God honoring manner, please feel free to correct them...just have grace with them as you do yourself. :) I've corrected a few children that aren't mine, and honestly it doesn't bother me to do it. I just try to always offer praise first then constructive criticism. A few of my pet peeves that I hope you can help me with are the following: disrespectfulness, disobedience, and burping in public (I know...it's an odd one; but that drives me bonkers, and granted, I'm working on far, far more things, but I only have so much room here!) 

Seven...pray. If you can do nothing else, pray! The prayers of Godly friends is what brings me through the difficult days. It sooths my spirit, refreshes my mind, and shelters me from Satans darts. I have two friends, Jenna and Autumn, that I know pray for me every day. I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for the prayers of these prayer warriors. Both of these women have far fewer children than I, but they have reached out to me inspite of not always understanding where I'm coming from. Over the past few months, they've reached outside their comfort zone to try to uplift my spirits and provide a listening ear. It's hard to get that need fulfilled when you live thirty minutes to nowhere and have a passel of young ones! 

Surely I'm not the only mama that has these thoughts, right?!