Life has felt a little bit like “dèjá vu” for me these past few weeks. I’ve struggled so much with many feelings these past few days. Lots of tears, feeling overwhelmed, and just plain sad have all run the gauntlet on my emotions.
Six years ago, we moved to Maine. We enrolled our children in the Christian school in the fall, and about mid-September, we realized that one of our children was really struggling in school. Feeling like I had failed him as a mom and teacher, overwhelmed with how hard school was for him, and feeling all the big emotions that come with a major decision, we decided to move him back a grade. Years later, I don’t necessarily feel any regret over that decision, and I don’t think that child even thinks about it much anymore. It’s been easier also since we’ve moved to a different school, and no one in his class knows that he was moved back a grade.
And yet here we are again in a similar position. Emma has struggled with school since she’s been in kindergarten, which was also the year school was shut down due to Covid. First grade was very hard, and her teacher thought that she might have a learning challenge, but everyone was so behind from Covid that there was no hope of getting her tested. Second grade came along and with it another new year of challenges. The class was big, and Emma functions best in a quieter environment. Her teacher and I were a bit concerned, but to be honest, we were barely hanging on. Last year was a rough year all around with Roger working in Michigan, I was teaching kindergarten, trying to keep our family stable, and trying to love God and keep all the children alive! (We made it- by the grace of God!) So yes, I was concerned about Emma, but in the back of my mind, I figured I could catch her up over the summer. Well, we worked at it. My mom worked with Emma when she came to visit, and we did try to catch Emma up. But sometimes it seems like no matter how hard Emma is trying, it’s like pouring water in a strainer! Emma has been stressed about school in N.C. From early on, and constantly being overwhelmed or coming home to do more school work did not seem to be working for any of us! I love that the boys have the opportunity to play sports, but it also means that our time at home is limited. When we arrive home, it’s time for supper, showers, homework, Bible time and bed shortly to follow.
All that to say, we’ve decided to put Emma back in Second Grade. I’ve cried, struggled, and have fought depression over this. However, at the end of the day, it’s what is going to be best for Emma. She was upset at first about moving back since she’s working on trying to make friends in third grade. But also, Emma has seemed a bit relieved since the decision has been made. She’s not keen about being the oldest child in second grade (by quite a bit), but at the end of the day, it’s about what will be best for Emma. God knows exactly where she is, and I’m 100% confident that He has a perfect plan for Emma. God operates on His own time table, and not the time table of Sarah! (Praise the Lord for that!) My friend, Jenna, from Wisconsin, called me randomly out of the blue on Sunday. And while I was crying about my struggles, she gently reminded me that God’s not surprised. And I know that, but as an educator and a parent, it’s hard not to feel like I’ve “failed” Emma in someway. Having your child struggle in school is hard on any parent, and having more than one child struggle in school just adds to the challenges. I don’t know why God orchestrated these events this way. I don’t know why some of our children really struggle in school. I don’t know why this is the path God has directed us to, but wow! I am so thankful that I can rest in the arms of my Heavenly Father Who holds tomorrow. God is still good. He is going to continue to be faithful. He loves our children more than we do…He is truly a good, good Father.
Emma will be making this transition after we come back from Fall break, which is at the end of this week. Once we return back from this break, Emma will move to second grade. Thankfully, God has given Emma a friend in the second grade classroom. Emma has to hang out at soccer practice after school quite a bit, and there is a little girl that also has to hang around as her brother helps coach the team. It’s been nice that Emma has had a friend to play with while we wait for the boys.
In closing, we, of course, value your prayers for our family. We are not expecting this to solve all of Emma’s educational struggles, but perhaps this will be a good solution for helping her build a foundation for years to come. We love all of our children dearly, and as parents sometimes we make decisions that are not our favorite, but for the best of our child/children.
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