Disappointments and sadness are just as much a part of life as joy and triumphs. Sometimes, these days, the disappointments seem to be winning, but I know that God is still just as faithful. It’s so much easier to praise Him in the good times, but I know that I learn so much through the hard times. I knew that May was going to be a difficult month for me as it would be Mother’s Day, the Patriotic Program, my birthday, and also the trip to Haiti. All those things are things that I normally look forward to, but this year it just feels like wave upon wave of disappointment.
Tonight would have been the night of the Patriotic Program. Oh, how I wanted the students to have the opportunity to honor our veterans, our country and our Lord! I’m thankful that God does not allow us to see the future because if we had known way back in March all the things that would be coming down the pike, I think I would have been severely tempted to throw in the towel and become an ostrich who burns his head in the sand! Our students had been preparing and working hard on presenting their Patriotic Program, and I’m disappointed that the opportunity is gone. (I doubt the students even remembered that today would be the day, but the teacher sure did!)
This morning I had a hard time getting ready to call my prayer partner, Mrs. Wheelis. I felt depressed and teary before I even called, and I was tempted to text her and say that I wouldn’t be calling. Although I cried through much of the prayer time, It was still the right thing to do. She reminded me that God gave us emotions, and that He is not surprised by our feelings or intense emotions. I am thankful for the opportunity to pray, and to pray often. I often struggle with feeling that perhaps God is not moving through all of this, but the truth is that He is at work! I may not see things happening that I would like or as quickly as I want them to, but God doesn’t operate on Sarah’s timetable.
The rest of the day was a blur of craziness! I had several emails to respond to this morning, as well as trying to get a video lesson to upload to YouTube. In the middle of my frustrations, Garett reminded me that we only have two weeks left of school. I am happy about that, I really am (both for me and our children) but it’s not the way that we expected the year to end. However, it does mean that we only have two more weeks of recording lessons, and for that I am very, very thankful!
Renee and I got our pre-school packets together, and we prayed as a staff team. I greatly appreciate each of our staff ladies, and one of my favorite things about packet pick-up days is the opportunity to pray with them. I didn’t plan on crying my way through that prayer meeting either, but I certainly have had fountains of tears today!
However, in spite of tears and disappointments, God also provided a few special blessings throughout the day. The PBA group had made up gift bags for each of the staff ladies, and that was a special treat. I ate the wonderful homemade bread while still at school. Our administrator gave each of the staff ladies a balloon, a flower, some chocolates (yum!) and a sweet card. I was also blessed to receive a few notes and cards from some of our students. I always look forward to seeing the faces of our preschoolers. We never know which parents and students will come through the pick up line, but we sure do enjoy seeing their faces. Oh, how we’ve missed our students!
When I checked my email this afternoon, some dear friends had sent me an e-birthday card a few days early. It was just a reminder that God knows exactly where I’m at today.
Know what though? God is still faithful, loving and kind. I had my share of struggles today, but God is not surprised by today. He isn’t making a “to-do” list or figuring out His plan. He already has a plan. He has had a plan. He will continue to fulfill His plan. I can rest in that, even when my soul is restless and longing. He gives peace. He gives grace to trust Him more. We serve a big God, and I’ll continue to put my trust in Him even when my spirit is weak.
Take heart. Love Jesus. Do the next right thing for today.
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