Friendships, Realities and Depression

We’ve enjoyed the fellowship of some dear friends, the Longsine family, the past few days. Oh, how good it was to laugh together, enjoy each other’s company and share in the woes and joys of parenting children. We treasured the moments with them, and the days flew by. Roger was working a lot, but we did manage to sneak in a double date. Beka and I were talking that the day had finally arrived that we could leave our kids at home for a bit while we went out for a date...it’s hard to believe that day had arrived! Beka and Jared were able to hop on a mail flight out to one of the islands, so that was fun. We also spent time at the beach, time hiking, lots of time prepping and eating food, swimming, and lots of laughter. 

Sunday marked the day of Kevin’s Celebration of Life service. It was a hard, hard day. There were a lot of people that testified to the character trains that marked Kevin’s life. While the service was a bit long for the children, they did very well siting through the speakers. The celebration of life was held in a hanger at the airport, which was a great spot as the airport held such a spot in Kevin’s heart. The day was very warm, but it was a blessing to me to listen to others tell stories of Kevin’s character and who he was as a person. Also... there was so, so much food at the luncheon afterwards! I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a large amount of food- so many choices! I helped serve food at the luncheon, and Roger took the kids home in the afternoon while I stayed to help clean up from the luncheon. Deciding what to do with all the food was certainly a challenge. We were able to take some food home and that was a big blessing as we had extra people at our house.  Roger’s brother, Nate, had flown in for the service as well, and it was good to see him again. My sister and her husband came down for the celebration of life service also. They were unable to stay for the whole thing, but it was good to see them again. 

 Somehow I anticipated that once we cried through that ceremony, we would be on our way to healing. I do believe that we are on the way to healing, but grief is a funny thing. It comes in waves, and so many stages, and at times you can go back and forth between the stages of grief. I found myself driving alone in the car this past week as I had run an errand for Roger. On the way home, a song came on the radio, and I sobbed. I don’t know the last time I sobbed like that, gut-wrenching, hiccuping cries. I had the sense of mind to pull into a parking lot and eventually all the tears were cried out (at least for that day!). Life is forever different, and I’m generally not a fan of change. 

Depression is a real and active enemy in our household right now as I see Roger struggle with it, and I know that I am as well. I could hear it in Roger’s voice as he was coming home from work this past week. I think Roger is also very overwhelmed. It’s not just work as Roger enjoys his job, but also the fact that he attended a meeting after work one day this week on top of long, long days. The responsibilities do not lessen  just because there are other things happening in our lives. We still have parenting responsibilities, our marriage commitment, church responsibilities, school responsibilities, as well as just life...sometimes it’s just a wee (lot bit!) overwhelming! Oh, I am so thankful that God’s grace sustains and strengthens us! 

Our children needed the distraction of their friends this week, and Roger and I treasured moments of conversation with other like-minded adults. Beka and Jared are very dear friends to us, and it was our pleasure to host them for a few days. Emma savored the moments with other girls in our house, as that is not generally the case! She loved having “older” sisters this week, and the boys enjoyed their time also. Moments to treasure thats for sure! 

I hope I’m not coming across as a negative Nellie! There were lots of great things from this past week, but there sure have been some discouraging moments of late. Communication struggles, discouragements, and battles that the Devil constantly throws at me sometimes threaten to steal my joy. Truth is though that real joy is not found from circumstances or situations, but rather from my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s the reason that I can smile at our neighbors, love our children, muddle through uncertainties and discouragement, and still say through it all that “God is good.” 

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